By Jeremiah, Eugene and Me

You understand, O LORD;

remember me and care for me.

Avenge me on my persecutors.

You are long-suffering–do not take me away;

think of how I suffer reproach for your sake.

When your words came, I ate them;

they were my joy and my heart’s delight,

for I bear your name,

O LORD God Almighty.

I never sat in the company of revelers,

never made merry with them;

I sat alone because your hand was on me

and you had filled me with indignation.

Why is my pain unending

and my wound grievous and incurable?

Will you be to me like a deceptive brook,

like a spring that fails?

15.15, 17-18

Eugene Person says Jeremiah doesn’t say prayers, he prays. He doesn’t recite liturgy, he expresses himself – passionately – to God. Given how Jeremiah feels, when he prays, he doesn’t speak in beautiful poetic literary phrases, he expresses his desperation.

You understand, O LORD;

remember me and care for me.

Avenge me on my persecutors.

15.15

John Bright translates this prayer: “do not through patience destroy me. Consider for thy sake I suffer abuse.” ‘Which seems to mean, ”Don’t be so lenient with my persecutors that they have the time to destroy me.” There is desperation in that sentence.’269

• Jeremiah is lonely.

When your words came, I ate them;

they were my joy and my heart’s delight,

for I bear your name,

O LORD God Almighty.

I never sat in the company of revelers,

never made merry with them;

I sat alone because your hand was on me

and you had filled me with indignation.

15.16-17

‘Jeremiah received God’s word with enthusiasm. He gave himself without reserve to (a) way of life that meant taking God’s word more seriously than any human word. But having plunged into this way, he found no one was with him. He was all by himself. What would he do? Go back to the party (and join in the trivial cocktail chatter) until others decided to come along? He couldn’t do that. He was committed. (But) it was a lonely business. It meant years of solitude.’270

• Jeremiah is in agony.

Why is my pain unending

and my wound grievous and incurable?

15.17

‘The sin of the people, the cruelty of the wicked, the giddy indifference of the everyday – all this was a deep wound to Jeremiah. He hurt because he cared. He had undertaken to speak for God, to speak that eternal love to fickle people. Now he felt in his own being all the aching hurt of unrequited love. He felt the rejection in every bone and muscle. Their blasphemies cut him; their rebellions bruised him; their thoughtless rituals salted his open wounds. And there was no cure in sight, for the only cure was a people who repent…’and there was no sign of that. 271

• Jeremiah is very angry.

Will you be to me like a deceptive brook,

like a spring that fails?

15.18

‘Once he had preached that God was “the fountain of living water”(2.13); now he accuse him of being “a deceitful brook” – one of those streambeds in the desert that looks as if water should be flowing in it but when you arrive at its banks it is dry. Water only flows in it after rain; it cannot be depended upon between times. What he says in effect is ”God you tricked me. You promised but you did not deliver”.’271

Later was to famously say:

O LORD, you deceived me, and I was deceived;

you overpowered me and prevailed.

I am ridiculed all day long;

everyone mocks me.

20.7

‘A blunt but literal rendering is “first you seduced me, then you raped me.” You lured me by enticing words, then you seized me by force and made me  submit to your  will’ 271 You screwed me!

‘(Then) Jeremiah stops speaking but the prayer continues, for prayer does not end when we end. In prayer God is not merely an audience, he is a partner. Jeremiah has spoken honestly, now he listens expectantly.’272

• Jeremiah is encouraged to re-turn and be re-stored.

“If you repent, I will restore you

that you may stand before me;

15.19

Eugene Peterson says ‘throughout the passage there is a play on the word return/repent’ and that God is saying ‘Don’t wallow in pain tinged with self-pity. Repent. Turn away from it. If you turn (from such talk) then I will turn you (restore you)’ 272 But I disagree.

Sure there is a call to turn; sure there is a word play on the need to return/repent.

But what is the call to turn from? From the talk of pain that is tinged with self-pity? No.  All talk of pain is tinged with self-pity. The call is to turn from self-pity  that  blinds us to the presence of God in the pain – and/or blinds us to his love for us.

We may feel God has screwed us. But he hasn’t. And our restoration depends on our re-turning to God repeatedly and experiencing his never-failing love for us…

God knows that it is only in the light of God’s love (“before me”) we can “stand” and “take our stand”, when we have been beaten and abused, time and again.

if you utter worthy, not worthless, words,

you will be my spokesman.

Let this people turn to you,

but you must not turn to them.

15.19

When we re-turn and are restored – renewed in the light of God’s love – then we can be true to ourselves – to the person God has created us and called us to be – regardless of whether we – as prophets – are truly accepted or totally rejected.

Prophets should not worry about what others say; only about what we say. What others say is up to them. But we need to make sure that what we say is of value – not ‘worthless’.  If people de-value what we say that’s their problem, not ours.

”Let them come to you; don’t go over to them.” God says to Jeremiah. 273

• God promises to “save you”, “deliver you”, and “redeem you”

I will make you a wall to this people,

a fortified wall of bronze;

they will fight against you

but will not overcome you,

for I am with you

to rescue and save you,”

declares the LORD.

“I will save you from the hands of the wicked

and redeem you from the grasp of the cruel.”

15.20

‘Jeremiah had heard these words in his youth(1.18-19).

But ‘it is not enough to remember, we must hear it again. It is not enough to carry memory verses around with us, we need daily encounter with the resonant voice of God. Prayer is the act in which we hear it again.’274

‘The world attacks (our trust in God). The relationship is under constant assault, and must be renewed constantly. Resolve is important, but not enough. In prayer God provides renewal. We pray. We listen. God speaks his word again – the same word – and we are restored and renewed in our commitment’. 275

When I was excommunicated by YWAM I experienced a terrible sense of rejection. People denounced me publicly, forbade anyone I knew to have anything to do with me, and threatened anyone who gave me shelter with immediate excommunication.

I felt that rejection as a physical pain in the centre of my chest – as if I was literally heart broken. Any time I bumped into a YWAMer I would shake  with fear.

So I packed my bags, went home, and stayed home – out   of sight.  During that time I used to drive into my driveway, park the car, run upstairs, close the door, pull the curtains and hide from people who might come by and knock at the door.

On a number of occasions I actually withdrew into my bedroom, lay down on my bed, curled up into a foetal position, hugged myself for comfort, and waited to die. And, on one such occasion, I felt such despair that I contemplated killing myself.

I don’t know whether I would have really been able to kill myself or not, but the fact that I was thinking about it made me realise that I was in big trouble – I had internalised the rejection to such a degree that now I was even rejecting myself.

I needed help. But didn’t know where to turn for help. I was a persona non grata.

Most of the Christians I knew had either turned their back on me or had been done over just like me. And many of the other Christians I talked to didn’t understand.

In desperation I turned to God for help. I used to find solace in God quite easily. But now it was quite difficult – because the very ‘word of God’ had been used to condemn me – and I had felt profoundly alienated from God by God’s people.

As it turned out, my salvation was in the fact that my experience of the love of God was deeper than my experience of alienation from God. Through Christ I was able to come to God and experience his magical, mystical, amazing love for me.

“Come to me’ Christ said ‘and I will offer you a place of rest, an oasis to restore your soul for the journey.’ ‘Abide in me’ he said ’and I’ll abide with you. Together we’ll be friends and you can ask of me whatever you like and I’ll do it for you.’

So I came to him as a leper – my body dripping with sores, my soul hungry for belonging – and I knelt before him; and Christ reached out to me and touched me, enfolded me, in his arms, embraced me in his love, and healed my broken heart.

Fragrant, unconditional, limitless love running down, like thick olive oil, into the recesses of my wounded soul. Refreshing, renewing, reforming, redeeming grace. Filling the void inside with the joy of being loved – and being able to love again.

Dave Andrews

Numbers refer to pages in The Quest by Eugene Peterson Zondervan Grand Rapids 2000