Overcoming hatred using the instrument of love in the struggle for justice requires learning the disciplines of the heart. 1 : The discipline of grieving.¹

If we are to learn to love in the midst of hate – or any other form of perfidy or duplicity – we need to grieve the tragedy of loving without being loved, as we would like, in return.

Grieving is the natural human response to loss. It helps feel the pain of the loss. And, in feeling the pain, helps us acknowledge, integrate, and accept the reality of our loss.

If we do not grieve well, we may get stuck in denying the reality, trying to negotiate our way through a situation that was already decided long ago, or raging against our fate. If we get stuck in denying the situation we are in, trying to negotiate our way out, or raging ferociously against our fate, we simply will not be able to deal with the reality well.

There are many ways to grieve. Some of us prefer to sit with it in silence. Some of us prefer to talk it out. Some of us prefer to sing it through. And others of us prefer just to wail away. Whichever way we prefer to do it, our grief is usually drenched with tears!

A meditation on grieving.

Create a comfortable atmosphere. If possible in semi-darkness. Sit on your own, or with a friend. Once seated, attend to your breathing. Take one hand and hold it gently to your heart, as if you are holding a precious but fragile human being in your hands. You are – your self. As you continue breathing, bring to mind a loss you grieve. Let the story of the loss unfold. Allow the feelings associated with it to surface and flow. Let the feelings they have come one by one. Hold them. Name them. And honour them. Touch them tenderly. Treat them kindly. Then let their tears begin to take them away.

‘When after heavy rain the storm clouds disperse,
is it not that they’ve wept themselves clear to the end?’ Ghalib².

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[1] This section is based on J.Kornfield The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness and Peace, Rider, Sydney, 2002
[2] p 58 Kornfield