The Disciplines Of The Heart: 3 – Forgiving.
We know that we can’t change the past. We know that can’t undo the pain. However, some of us try to heal the pain we have suffered by inflicting pain on the people who made us suffer. As if their suffering more would somehow result in our suffering less.
But the desire for revenge usually only serves to increase the suffering of the victim. If we do not forgive our tormentors, we will continue to be tortured by our resentment.
Forgiving is not forgetting. We must remember suffering and learn from our suffering. We shouldn’t associate with our tormentor, unless we are sure they won’t torment us.
Forgiving is not fooling. To the contrary, its smart. Its a way of maintaining our sanity. As we forgive the unforgiveable we release the love that alone can heal the wounds.
A meditation on forgiving.
Create a comfortable atmosphere. Set the scene with a small candle. Sit on your own, or with a friend. Once seated, attend to your breathing. Start by visualizing the ways you have hurt others. See the pain you have caused others – knowingly or unknowingly. Feel the sorrow, shame, guilt and regret you feel about this. Picture each person that comes to mind, one by one, sense their suffering, and say:
‘I remember many ways I have hurt others. I recognize the pain I have caused. I ask for your forgiveness, I ask for you forgiveness, I ask for your forgiveness’.
Continue by visualizing the ways others have hurt you. See the pain others have caused you – knowingly or unknowingly. Feel the sorrow, anger and resentment you feel about this. Picture each person who comes to mind, and, as your heart is ready, say to them:
‘I remember many ways others have hurt me. I have carried this pain in my heart long enough. To the extent that I am ready, I offer those who hurt me forgiveness. I offer you my forgiveness, I offer you my forgiveness, I offer you my forgiveness’.
Forgiving is not a weak reaction, but it is a strong courageous constructive response. As it says in the Gita:
‘If you want to see the brave, look for those who can forgive.’[1]
‘I remember many ways I have hurt others. I recognize the pain I have caused. I ask for your forgiveness, I ask for you forgiveness, I ask for your forgiveness’.
Continue by visualizing the ways others have hurt you. See the pain others have caused you – knowingly or unknowingly. Feel the sorrow, anger and resentment you feel about this. Picture each person who comes to mind, and, as your heart is ready, say to them:
‘I remember many ways others have hurt me. I have carried this pain in my heart long enough. To the extent that I am ready, I offer those who hurt me forgiveness. I offer you my forgiveness, I offer you my forgiveness, I offer you my forgiveness’.
Forgiving is not a weak reaction, but it is a strong courageous constructive response. As it says in the Gita:
‘If you want to see the brave, look for those who can forgive.’[1]